Critical

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We all like to receive affirmation that we are doing a good job or doing the right thing. I am currently teaching horseback classes at a summer camp. Most of my words are giving an instruction or correction to a student followed by several encouragements. When we are learning something new, dangerous, or difficult it can be very helpful to be praised for our progress and advancement in the endeavor. Even when we are veterans at a certain task that is very subjective, such as an artisan or creator, it helps to receive positive feedback.

However, the most helpful responses are probably those that point out areas where changes need to be made or where improvement is possible. The problem is that most of us, the present author included, don’t like to have our flaws and failures pointed out. These kinds of criticisms can cause someone to feel incompetent, ill equipped, or just down right worthless. But when they are received with genuine humility they can prove to be a true blessing and benefit. 

Of course, part of the difference can rest on the person bringing the criticism. If the individual is an enemy or worse an enemy who poses as friend or brother then the criticism may be a form of attack and not an honest assessment of the situation. If the criticism is mean spirited then the person in the bullseye of the attack will no doubt feel vulnerable and defensive. 

On the other hand, if the criticism is brought with the best interest of the brother being criticized in mind, then this can be a real asset. In this case, the goal is not to harm or to wound but to help and to heal. In the end, both the person receiving the criticism and the relationship should be stronger and better.

Wrong Way

I would like to share a horrible example from scripture of how we should not receive criticism. In 2 Samuel 17, the usurping son of David, Absalom, received two differing plans for how to deal with his pursuit of his absconding father. I don’t intend to deal with the differing advice only with the fact that when Absalom chose not to follow the advice of Ahithophel, Ahithophel is reported to have went away and committed suicide. I think it is important to note as well that this is no crime of passion where in shock at having his advice unheeded he fell from his horse or out of a window or onto his sword. No, Ahithophel saddled his donkey, rode all the way home, set his affairs in order and hanged himself. This post is not really about suicide that is a deep and grievous issue. But the point here is that Ahithophel did not consider that his life was even worth living in light of his advice being ignored. He did not know how to wisely receive this rebuke. Especially since in less than 24 hours Absalom would be dead and David restored.

A Better Way

The wisdom of God not only gives us this example of the wrong way that we should avoid but also a better way for Christians to deal with constructive criticism. In Proverbs 27:6, it says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” The point being made is that a true friend, or better yet brother in Christ, will love you enough to tell you hard things. Not in an effort to hurt or humiliate, but from a genuine desire to help and strengthen you for even greater service for God and for His glory.

But this wisdom is not only in the proverbs. The Apostle Paul teaches something closely related to this in his letter to the Ephesians(4:15). Here Paul tells believers that a sure sign of Christian maturity is that we speak the truth in love. I think that there are two points to be gleaned from Paul saying “speak the truth in love.” 

First, we need to speak the truth with the motivation of love. The source of our criticism must be our care and affection for our brother or sister, not any desire to put them in their place. If our motivation isn’t right it really doesn’t matter what we say or how we say it.

Secondly, if our motivation is love then we ought to want to speak in a way that also communicates that love. Many things are not communicated well because they are not communicated to be heard but rather to be said. We can all be guilty of saying a thing just to get it off our chest when the motivation and the application was not loving but rather for our own selfish benefit. Remember love is not selfish. The love of God that should be growing in us as Christians is a giving and sacrificing love (1 Corinthians 13).

So brothers and sisters, let us love one another and always speak the truth!

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